From Upset to OK
- alehman4
- Oct 25, 2024
- 2 min read
If helping a child who is upset is hard for for parents, it's surely worse for children. Robyn Goebel, author of the book, Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors: Brain-Body-Sensory Strategies that Really Work, introduces a concept called "Moments of Healing" that can change the tone of upset and create connection between the parent and child that calms the crisis and helps to heal both the parent and the child.
Here's and excerpt from her podcast (which you can find on apple or spotify). I've linked the entire transcript article on the button below. Enjoy!
What is a Moment of Healing
A moment of healing happens when a child is beginning to get dysregulated and the parent takes a breath, pauses, and looks at their child with new eyes. Eyes that say “you’re struggling” instead of eyes that say “you’re misbehaving.”
A moment of healing happens when a parent implements an idea of a rhythmic, repetitive, relational, and somatosensory experience that helps the child transition from toothbrushing to PJ time.
A moment of healing happens when a parent sees their child struggling with homework and instead of saying “If you would just concentrate and do your homework this would be over by now” (hey no shame there, I only know that phrase because I’ve said it a lot, to my own kid) they say something like “HEY! I’ll be you can’t beat me in arm wrestling!” and assumes the ‘let’s arm wrestle!’ position, or they give their kid a double-bubble bubble gum to chew on. (Giving the child a burst of dopamine that helps to conqueor the homework problem
A moment of healing happens when parents feel empowered to meet their child’s needs because they know that they are the most important person in their child's life.
A moment of healing happens because parents get from therapy I what I know they want to give their children. Presence. Attunement. Compassion. Capacity to hold all of their parts.
A moment of healing happens because when parents and kids walk through my door they understand- implicitly because something just feels different in my office and explicitly because I tell them, every single part of them is welcome in my office. That all true selves are loveable.